The Original Duffieldisms

Some of David’s common sayings include:

Duffer’s speak English
“Tail end Charlies” Riders struggling at the back of the peloton
” He will be licking his lips” Looking forward in anticipation (to the climbs/sprint /TT etc)
“Turn your granny to the wall” The riders will be descending a treacherous Alpine road at over 80 kph. It will be too scary for your grandmother to watch.
“He goes round corners like a fifty pence piece” Description of Jan Ulrich’s ragged cornering style
“Raining cats and dogs” Above average rainfall for this time of year
“Going full bore out” Traveling at top Speed
“Cheeky little chappie” Rider of restricted height who keeps  trying to get away from the peloton. Often Spanish or Italian.
“Come a box of tricks” Have an accident and end up on the floor. Often while descending or sprinting.
“Er…” Frequently uttered timefiller on long flat stages.
“Riding himself to a standstill” Riding so hard he will not be able to sustain it.
“Face as long as a fiddle” Unhappy looking rider. Often the day after he has “Come a box of tricks”
“On the rivet” Sitting right over the front of the saddle whilst riding as fast as is possible.
“After doing the thick end of …(fifty)..miles” After riding …(fifty).. miles
“The man with the hammer has got him” The rider is so fatigued he can barely continue.
“The hammer’s gone down” There has been an increase in speed
“Riding himself into a frazzle” Riding very hard
“Hang on to your hats” Watch carefully.
“Rough end of a ragman’s trumpet” No translation available. Suggestions please.
“Its all over bar the shouting” The race is already decided
“Its not over till the fat lady sings” The race could be won by anyone. Often uttered five minutes after “Its all over bar the shouting”
“Ripped this thing to pieces” A rider is making life very difficult for other riders in the peloton
“Hanging on for grim death” A rider is struggling to maintain the pace of the other riders
“Put the cat amongst the pigeons” An attack has happened that will illicit a strong response
“Go absolutely bananas” Get very excited
“Lying a bit doggo” A rider is very tired in the peloton or break. From “dog tired”.
“A gnat’s whisker away” Very close. Often in a sprint when a photo finish is required. 
“Its about as useful as a chocolate chainring” Its not very useful at all.
“It’s a bit dark over Bill’s mother’s”  The weather over there looks a bit ominous
“He’s gone all around the Wrekin” He’s taken the long way around [the roundabout.
“It might blow the valves in your television set!” Turn the volume on your TV down as the commentary is going to be very loud and excited
“He had the toilet two steps in no uncertain terms” He has been suffering from gastroenteritis. In this instance referring to Francesco Casagrande in the TdF2001
“It must feel like he’s been hit with a shovel” The rider out in front on the climb has been overtaken rather quickly by the chasers
“He’s at the bottom of the barrel” The rider is now very fatigued
“He’s like a fisherman reeling in his salmon” The rider is passing other riders who were ahead and catching them one at a time. (Whilst they are probably being hit with a shovel. And at the bottom of the barrel.)
“There are 21 stages in the race and 21 teams. Each team will win a stage except some which will win more” There are a lot of teams and a lot of stages which will be hotly contested.
“Come down the finishing straight like a dose of salts” Traveling at high speed approaching the final sprint.
“Its not all beer and skittles by any means” The racing at the moment is so hard it can’t be enjoyable for the riders.
“They’re a chirpy little lot, like Kelme used to be” The team are well suited to climbing in the high mountains and instigate a large number of attacks.
“Mike Smith in Paris, I need to see a man about a dog!” Mike Smith, please can you cover for me on this long stage as I need to pop to the toilet!
“He’s come out of there like a cork from a bottle”  A rider has launched a devastating attack and left the peloton behind.
“He’s shot his bolt and gone out the back” The rider has pushed himself too soon and is now getting left behind
“Sackcloth and ashes” I apologise for an earlier mistake I may have made
“Time for a quick sherbert” Time for a quick drink

Thanks to Simon Davies for the sharing his favorite Duffieldisms (TM) 

(yes we did indeed invent that term!)

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