Jim’s Collection of Duffield Gems

Hello Mate. Here are the quotes I have, more or less chronologically. There are also a handful from Stephen Roche and Mike Smith in the same spirit, just to show how infectious is the great Duffield mindset. Hope you like them! I’m living in Finland at the moment and there is a home-grown commentator here these days, so unfortunately we don’t get to hear Dave anymore. This is a development of the last couple of years; he used to be well followed in the Nordic countries too!
Best from Jim.

1996-8

DAVID DUFFIELD QUOTES….

Stephen Roche and I have just been watching this day, not dissimilar to other days, when they go fast, fall off and come in to the finish.

Neil Stephens: the great lion-horse of the Festina team.!

A short sharp reaction.

Laurent Fignon just got bombed by a baguette!

As the french say, there’s nothing so long as a day without bread, and Laurent Fignon just got some but there’s nothing in it!

If we had a yo-yo championship of the day, Riis would get the award.

No it’s not the bedouins! (roadside info tents).

The unusuality of the race.

If the whole thing proverbially hits the fan.

In the blue shoulders, that is Jalabert.

The commentary point we’re sitting from now.

I am sitting here with my chin on the counter, my mouth open like a great big whale scooping up plankton. I am gobsmacked!

One day they’ll tell him (El Diablo) where to put the fork, and it won’t be very pleasant either!

People are almost stripping down to their next-to-nothing.

Look down the valley…if you’ve got vertigo, sort of…don’t look down the valley.

The mountains look black and white. The white is snow because the snow is still up in the sky.

Too many cooks to spoil the broth.

This is not for the lads back there who have any problems with their ticker-tockers! (on the descent).

It’ll be time for the proverbial on the fan!

If I wasn’t grey already, I’d go even greyer.

And the gap is down to 40 seconds, as I’m getting carried away by the statues!

This is like Wimbledon., Ascot and Silverstone all wrapped in together and plonked in the middle of Paris: amazing!

Heart-rendering stories.

He’s ridden himself into the cobbles.

He (Boardman) crashed out through injury.

It could be all over bar the shouting, or until the fat lady sings.

It’s every man for himself- man the lifeboaaaats!

Monet was born in Le Havre or Paris, or was brought up there and then went to Paris to do his painting.

See now as they go up: the stunted trees, the sparse grass, the special alpine flowers that can withstand the hard winter.

Any of you who have just finished hoovering the house out and have turned on the old TV…..

Easy-go-lucking.

My (steering) wheel’s on the right-hand side, and when you look down you can almost get vertigo and bumps on your tummy, it’s so far down!

They’re big birds, so watch out lads, in case they drop one on you! (birds dropping bones on mountain rocks to break them open).

And the streaker gets his organs caught and thrown out of the finishing straight! He nearly won by a short head!

Apurov (=Abdujaparov!).

If you ever get the chance to visit Paris, do go up to the d’Orsay….I love painters; they’ve got Monet, Ceganne and Déjà.

2, 4, 10, 20: there must be 100 photographers here on the line!

He had time to throw his hands up in the…er…

De las Cuevas is so far down on GC you could time him in with a calendar!

This morning I went out for a run (in the Pyrenees) and was looking at the little alpine flowers.

They cycle through the toll – and no one’s got their money out!

Paris, we can’t hear, we’ve got a thunderstorm on our heads!

Escartin has a pursuiter’s hooter. A big nose spread all over his face to suck in lots of oxygen.

Dr Robert Millar says stay clear of Columbians and weaker Spanish riders on the descent.

This is what I call a “beyond comprehensible” climb.

If you’ve got a grandmother in a wheelchair, now’s the time to take her for a walk so she needn’t see this!

SR: What are they doing there, Dave? – DD: They’re riding their bicycles!

Also STEPHEN ROCHE from the same period…

He’s got his backside between two chairs.

I have my ear to the grindstone, Dave.

The team is not firing on all four cylinders.

It’s time for them to show the colour of their…….

There is more than one guy has ideas behind his head here.

If it came to the sprint, Ulrich might have the upper hand on Ulrich.

He probably doesn’t know himself what he’s up to. That’s the sad thing about it. (on a Virenque breakaway)

They’re uneasy here, they’re going round the corners like an old thrupenny bit.

And MIKE SMITH (link-man)…

The birthday boy of three years ago.

It could be that ’98 will be seen as a watershed year. Let’s hope it’s a watershed with the water flowing in the right direction when all the dust has settled.

I’m sure everyone who enjoyed it took part.

Not actually a lake, a reservoir, as it’s artificial water.

DAVID DUFFIELD 2001…..

Josepi Beloki, following in the footsteps of Lance Indurain.

Air-conditioning wasn’t invented when they built that hotel in 1821 – no, I’m exaggerating! (describing a hot night passed in a beautiful old hotel).

So, the river running through here, cooling air from it’s hot and sticky day.

Mike’s got all this information stashed in his head. The old grey cells were going click, click, click, and they wouldn’t actually put themselves to pieces!

In the Tour of Italy, he either took his foot off the pedal or did the same thing.

(no context missing here!)

Pantani was like half a yard of popcorn! (reminiscing over riders’ weights).

We were at the ad break, so you couldn’t smell the barbeque going full tilt!

We would have no room to swing a cat…….I shouldn’t let cats out of the bag!

He (a rider) looks a little young to be out of school.

Sean Kelly, the man who used to eat peat for breakfast!

Soloradathama (= solo ride in the mountains).

Wachashiza (= world championships in Zurich).

If you,re licking your lips at the prospect of a bunch sprint…I’m licking my lips at the swimming-pool inside the chateau. (an aerial view near the end of a flat stage).

I’m sure a lot of people when they get home will find their kids have snitched the sheets from the bed and put them up in the sky. (roadside banners).

A little bit of speculation flowing from the lips of Sean Kelly? Can I stick your neck out?

(Much pondering over how enormous a penny-farthing would need to be to get a big top gear)…in case you’re wondering why they don’t ride them anymore!

DAVID DUFFIELD 2002

Perhaps he’s rushing to the loo! Get the toilet paper out! (on a fast ride by Lance, following a bad night of vomitting and diarrhea).

Sponsored by Alessio, makers of alloy wheels for your car. So if you want new alloy wheels for your clapped out Ford Escort that you’ve had for 15 years..

Mont Ventoux:-

Their aspirations melting in the sun just as the little bit of cheese is melting on Mike Smith’s screen.

If I say the twilight of his career, no doubt his supporters will start throwing bricks at me.

Boy I’m the boss! Up you, I’m off!! I’m speechless!! (as Lance leaves Beloki on Ventoux).

The cool, calm, collected voice of Sean Kelly analysing the race there.

There’s nothing but huge sparse bits of green up there.

Fascinating times lie ahead of us here on Mont Ventoux, with Lance Armstrong riding magnici…….

Lance Armstrong rewriting the history books here. (I know they all say it, but still!)

Like when Armstrong put his foot on the pad on the moon, saying,”one great strep”.

The speedom has come in and interfered with our marvellous shot.

If I was riding here I’d need a pair of glasses to read what they just put up.

This rash Texan, who burst upon the scene and surprised a lot of people.

My French colleagues are going absolutely over the moon because this is the moonscape!

He (Virenque)was actually born in Castablanca, Morocco.

(Virenque comes to the finish) with polka dots all over him! (he is not wearing the jersey).

He (Virenque) had a few problems in the Festina problems.

Axel Merckx, a long, tall, gangling lad.

Americans, many millions of them, are turning into their televisions early in the morning.

Not one of the well-heeled, all singing, dancing teams.

Let’s get the old abacus going.

He (Beloki) has lost a hatful, something like 1 minute and 60 seconds!

Here’s a man (Botero) who has a university degree and and a rich father. He could easily have gone and got a nice simple job working in a bank but he likes riding his bike.

Check out the whole collection of Duffield pages here and enjoy one of the all time great commentators.